Solipsism
by ishandahalf
Summary: In a world of confusion, perhaps the only thing you can be sure of is your own self. But which self is the real one? When Rogue's psyches act up again, she asks herself that very question. Is she losing her sanity, or was it lost long ago? COMPLETE!
1. Commitment

**Disclaimer**: Recognizable characters and/or plots sadly do not belong to me, but rather to those gods among men, Stan Lee and Joss Whedon. I am but a lowly peon, bound in humble servitude to their brilliance.

**A/N**: Hello all! No, your eyes are not deceiving you – ishandahalf is alive and insane as ever, ready to start churning out the fics once more. I'm sorry it's been so long since I've posted anything new; part of the reason behind that is that real life was being somewhat hectic, and another part is that my muses simply would not cooperate. I seem to have wrangled them into some sort of temporary submission, so here's hoping they'll be better behaved from now on.

Now, before we begin, some _**important notes**_:

The idea for this fic actually struck me about a year ago, when I decided to watch all of my Buffy the Vampire Slayer DVDs. What can I say – it was summer, I was bored. However, when I saw one particular episode, I just couldn't stop thinking about the possibilities of translating it over to X-Men: Evolution. And thus, here we are! So yes, what I'm trying to say is that the basic plot is not actually mine, but rather lovingly adopted from episode 117 of BtVS – Normal Again. If you haven't seen it, or don't remember it, might I recommend not worrying about it? I wouldn't want to spoil you for what might happen here. ;)

X-Men-wise, this fic occurs somewhere after Self-Possessed, and is a quasi-alternate version of the Dark Horizon episodes.

Right, I think those are all the boring technical details out of the way… I guess all that's left to say is _enjoy_!

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**SOLIPSISM**

**Chapter 1 – Commitment**

_She opens her eyes and sees nothing but gray all around her. _

_The walls are gray, the floor is too, and even the ceiling with the thirteen cracks that she counts over and over again every night from her rock-hard bed, since there is nothing better to do. _

_Sleep never comes easily; at least, not when she wants it. Yet even when slumber does manage to overtake her it is no pleasant escape, for she always dreams in __colours__colours__ that feel foreign to her, __colours__ that mock her, because she hasn't seen real ones in so very long. Even black and white would do; any sort of extreme would be welcome in her dreary world… _

_But instead everything is dull and lifeless – and she feels the same way. She just sits and stares and gets lost in her mind. Even when there are finally signs of life around her she scarcely reacts, barely blinking when the door opens with a slam –_

Rogue awoke with a start, flailing around in the tangled blankets for a few frantic seconds before catching her breath and recognizing the room around her. She was in her own soft bed with its warm covers, and the beginnings of the sunrise streaming through the window illuminated all the colors all around her. It was her bedroom, exactly where she was supposed to be; so why the feeling that she had been somewhere completely different, somewhere _wrong_?

It had only been a dream, she realized, shaking her head firmly. Only a dream... In fact, now that she tried to think back on it, there was only a blur.

But why didn't her sense of unease fade away along with it?

It didn't matter, Rogue told herself obstinately. She was more than used to weird dreams (_nightmares_, a snide inner voice corrected), and wasn't about to let another one throw her off; that had been happening enough over the past few days anyhow. Determined to ignore it, the girl hauled herself out of bed and decided she might as well get ready for the morning training session. At least she had been woken early enough so she wouldn't have to fight the other students for the bathroom.

She went through her morning routine without a second thought, washing her face and brushing her teeth robotically. Then picking up her comb, she began running it through her hair, finding herself relaxed by the repetitive motion. Dozens of strokes later had her lulled into a daze, so much so that when she looked up at her reflection in the mirror it took a few moments to truly grasp what she was seeing.

She gasped – staring blankly back at her was a much more disheveled girl, with gaunt cheeks and limp locks, and horribly empty eyes.

The clatter of the dropped comb on the tiled floor made Rogue jump, and with a blink there was only her normal reflection appearing in the glass. She frowned and carefully took herself in; then rubbing her eyes, she critically examined herself once more. There was nothing out of the ordinary about her image this time, so she slowly backed away and out of the bathroom. She clearly needed more sleep…

The Southerner swiftly dressed and made her way down the hall, reaching the elevator and pushing the button a few times with a gloved finger. She peered around idly while she waited for the doors to open, and her gaze was drawn to a window opening out onto the backyard of the Institute. Despite the sun barely being up over the horizon, it was already shaping up to be a nice day –

– _but no matter what the weather was like outside, those sterile steel bars welded over each pane made every single room seem cold._

Startled by that intrusive idea, Rogue didn't notice Kitty racing towards her from the direction of their room.

"Geez, you couldn't wait a minute for me?" she cried as she skidded to a halt, and then took in the other girl staring intently at the window. "...Uh, Rogue? Are you okay?"

She jerked back to attention at the question. At first her mind tried to focus on the strange moment that had just passed, not wanting to let it flit away, but then Kitty's words finally began to sink in. That was all anybody asked her lately, ever since the incident with her powers. Not a day went by without her hearing, "How are you feeling?", "Doing okay, Rogue?", or something of that ilk. The mansion's floors may as well have been covered with eggshells, the way everybody was tiptoeing around her.

"Ah'm fine," she snapped, before returning her gaze to the window.

Once again, there was nothing out of the ordinary there at all. No matter how much the Institute felt like a prison to her sometimes, the Professor certainly hadn't installed steel bars; it was only her mind playing tricks on her… _Her _mind and nobody else's, she tried to reassure herself, before abruptly turning and entering the open elevator.

"Okay, whatever you say," Kitty chirped back, but the older mutant couldn't help but notice her perky voice didn't correspond to the worry in her blue eyes; and she _certainly_ noticed the distance the other girl kept from her inside the tiny lift, practically phasing herself into the opposite corner.

Unbelievable. It had been _weeks_ since her powers had gone haywire and everybody was _still_ acting nervous around her, like she would erupt at any second and they had to be ready to jump clear of the blast. She hated all the looks she received, whether they were the weak attempts at understanding and sympathy from the adults, pity from Kitty and Kurt, or outright fear from everyone else.

And now Rogue had to wonder if maybe they were right to be so jumpy – what if the dreams she kept having, these things she was now seeing, were somebody else's memories? What if the psyches were acting up again?

_No_, she told herself firmly, insistently enough so that she had no choice but to believe it. This was _not_ like before. There was something different about it – although she couldn't precisely put her finger on what. So what if she was having odd little flashes? It wasn't anything she couldn't handle. She would be fine.

Rogue wouldn't let herself be anything but.

When the elevator reached the sublevels, she stormed out and left Shadowcat to trail behind her. A Danger Room session would be a welcome distraction right now; she could certainly do with something to relieve the tension that had built up inside of her.

- X -

"Okay X-Men, listen up! We'll start today off with an easy warm up," Cyclops called out, eyeing the team as they lined up before him. "The objective is to get from this end of the room to the finish line while dodging obstacles and energy blasts. We'll take the run one at a time – any volunteers to go first?"

The Mississippian leaned against the wall as she watched Nightcrawler, Jean and Shadowcat each run the gauntlet, evading the plasma bursts and laser beams that the room threw at them. When Scott then asked if she was okay to go, she grit her teeth in annoyance. Did she really need to be treated with kid gloves?

"Ah'm _fine_," she bit out, stomping up to the starting line. Then the buzzer went off, the timer began, and she let herself get swept up in the action and adrenaline.

Dodge, jump, twist, roll, dodge, twist, duck, leap… It was as graceful and flowing a well-choreographed dance and Rogue enjoyed every step of it, falling into a rhythm almost unconsciously. She hardly had to think, merely letting her body's own instincts and motions guide her – until she suddenly felt dizzy. Her vision blurred for a split-second, and Rogue faltered mid-step. Before she even had time to register it, an energy blast hit her in the right arm and –

– _she screams, thrashing about wildly and trying to free herself from their grasps._

"_Don't fight us!" one of the men yells as he attempts to finish pushing the injection into her right bicep. "You're only going to hurt yourself!"_

_The syringe has stabbed through her flesh, pumping chemicals into her bloodstream, and she screams in both pain and frustration._

"_She's going to break the needle!" the other one exclaims, exasperated with the task of trying to subdue the still struggling girl._

_The first man withdraws the hypodermic and drops it into the pocket of his uniform before readjusting his grip on her. She flails around as much as she can, hoping to escape their clutches, but they are too strong and she is too weak. "We're going to have to strap her down!"_

_She follows their gaze to the bed, taking in the leather restraints before shrieking, "No!" _

_A new surge of desperation courses through her. Lashing out with all her might, her legs make contact and kick them hard, and they marginally loosen their tight holds on her. It is enough, and she wrenches herself away and flings herself into the corner. _

"_No, no, no…" she whimpers, vainly trying to burrow further into the padded walls –_ _but there is nowhere else for her to go, nowhere else for her to hide._

"_Hey, it's okay, we're not going to hurt you," one of them tries to convince her as they both tentatively approach. "We only want you to calm down."_

"_No…" she weeps, shaking her head as she feels her body start to weaken, and she slowly slides down to the dingy tiled floor. She goes limp, and forceful hands lifting her up by her straight jacket-clad arms are the last sensations she registers before everything fades to black._

- **To Be Continued…** -

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Well, despite her best efforts at denial, something definitely seems to be wrong with Rogue! Cue the dramatic music.

**Next chapter** – rather than receiving a respite, Rogue ends up getting an interesting visitor instead…

So, I hope you all remember the drill – please click that little button down there and leave me a few words! Because this is the first major work I've posted since my little 'sabbatical', I'm eager to see how it's being received. Well, that and I've missed having my inbox inundated with reviews! ;)

Toodles,

– ish –


	2. Observation

**Disclaimer**: Nope, still not mine. Check back tomorrow.

**A/N**: Hello, all! Here we are, another chapter up already. But before we get to that, I just wanted to say thank you once again to my lovely reviewers. I'm very pleased to see that you all appear to be enjoying this! Although I say 'appear' because I can't be _completely_ sure, what with so many readers not leaving a review, hint hint… ;)

But let's see if a bit more mystery might change that. Read on, and see how things unfold!

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**SOLIPSISM**

**Chapter 2 – Observation**

Rogue's eyes shot open, and she suddenly found herself back in the Danger Room instead of… Instead of where? She scrunched her brow, trying to think back to what had just happened. Did she have another episode with the psyches? She couldn't be sure; her mind was annoyingly slow and sluggish, refusing to cooperate.

"Rogue? Are you okay?" came an anxious voice, and the girl looked up to see her team mates gathered around her. Scott and Kurt both reached down to grip her arms and haul her to her feet, but she quickly wrenched away from them. Their holds made her feel rather uncomfortable, for reasons she wasn't exactly certain of.

"Yeah, Ah'm good," she answered quickly, albeit unconvincingly, as she shakily stood under her own steam.

Scott frowned. "Right, because passing out is usually a good sign," he protested sarcastically, before adopting a lecturing tone and adding, "Are you _sure_ nothing's wrong? Maybe you should go see the Professor –"

"Ah said Ah was fine!" the Southerner scowled, interrupting his unwelcome advice; yet he continued unabated.

"That's what you told everybody before, when your psyches were acting up, and look how _that_ turned out!"

Her jaw dropped in disbelief. One part of her was shocked that he had actually mentioned her powers going berserk when everybody seemed to tiptoe around the topic; another part was shocked to hear him blaming her for something utterly beyond her control. Was it too much to expect a little empathy from somebody who couldn't control their mutation either?

She clenched her hands into fists and glanced around, wondering what the others thought of his accusation. She shouldn't have bothered – nobody would meet her eyes. They all shifted about uncomfortably, and it didn't escape her notice that they had discreetly inched away from her as soon as Cyclops had brought up that whole fiasco.

So that was how they were going to be? Fine. Drawing herself up to her full height, Rogue glared at the team leader and caustically spat out, "Well, Ah'll have to remember to warn yah the next time Ah go crazy then!", before turning on her heel and stalking from the Danger Room.

- X -

Rogue's ire consumed her for the rest of the morning as she stewed over Scott's unfair comments. Was it her fault that she had uncontrollable powers? Was it her fault that she was haunted by the voices in her head? She hadn't asked for any of it, and yet everybody was pussyfooting around her like it was all her doing, like she would purposely choose to unleash that chaos upon them once more.

But that wasn't going to happen, because there was _nothing_ wrong with her. The psyches weren't going haywire again – it was merely a few weird dreams and a bout of dizziness or two, she justified to herself. All she needed was a good night's sleep, and maybe some food in her belly. As that notion crossed her mind, her stomach growled. She had skipped breakfast earlier, not feeling up to enduring everybody's probing stares after her fainting spell; maybe now she could head down to the kitchen, which was usually empty at this time of the day.

Of course, she wasn't that lucky. When she entered the room Ororo sat drinking tea at the table, and the woman plastered a smile on her face when she noticed Rogue. The girl predicted the question that would come out of her mouth before it was even spoken. "Good morning, Rogue. Are you feeling all right?"

Through clenched teeth she gritted out, "Ah'm fine" for what felt like the millionth time, and quickly tried to change the subject. "Pass me one o' those apples, please?"

She watched as Storm reached out and plucked one from the fruit bowl in the middle of the table, and then extended her hand –

– _towards her, with a bunch of multi-coloured pills nestled in the palm._

"_It's time to take your drugs," the doctor's cold voice announces._

"_What?" she asks in confusion._

"I said, if I didn't know any better, I'd think you were on drugs!" Ororo laughed lightly, holding the shiny red apple out for Rogue to take. "Why don't you go out and get some sun? You shouldn't be locked up inside all day."

"Yeah, maybe yah're right," Rogue murmured dazedly, taking the proffered fruit and slowly shuffling towards the entrance hall. She could try to walk off whatever was wrong with her; the fresh air would probably do her good.

When she stepped out through the front door, warm rays of sunlight caressed her pale face and a gentle breeze blew through her hair. She relished those feelings of freedom as if she had been deprived of them for much longer than she had been. Sighing, she started to stroll with no particular destination in mind.

It had been during aimless times like these when she would have gone to visit Risty… That was no longer an option anymore, she thought bitterly. The worst part was that over the past few weeks, despite what she had learned about Mommie Dearest, her first instinct after having a bad day was often still to call her (former) best friend. But every single time she was forced to remember anew that it was no longer possible, and the hurt would well up once more, even greater than before.

The last thing Rogue wanted to do was dwell on thoughts of her "mother" (she couldn't even think the word without sarcasm and a scowl), so she did her best to ignore them. She focused on ignoring them so intently that she barely registered where she was going; in her preoccupied haze she ended up meandering to the park, and only realized where she was after she had sat down on a bench.

She glanced around, utterly perplexed as to how she had ended up there, and to how much time had passed. However, after taking in the small pond in front of her and the people peacefully milling about in the distance, she figured it was as good a spot as any to relax. Not wanting to think about any more worrisome matters, she let herself drift back off into her reverie.

"_Can you hear me?"_ _the doctor asks, eyeing her curiously_.

"Huh?" Rogue replied with a start, turning towards the voice. She hadn't been entirely sure whom to expect, but it definitely wasn't the auburn-haired, demon-eyed mutant that was staring at her with an insufferable grin on his face.

"Ah, so y' _are_ in dere," Gambit noted with amusement, before sitting down and leisurely draping himself over the rest of the bench. "Been callin' your name for de past five minutes, _chère_."

"Oh." Her brow furrowed, wondering exactly how spaced out she had been. "Ah was enjoyin' the scenery, Ah guess…"

"No need t' explain – I know what it's like t' get lost in a beautiful view," Remy smirked, making a show of languidly dragging his unique eyes up and down her body.

Her hackles were instantly raised – yet oddly enough Rogue didn't mind as much as she probably should have, because for the first time in a long while she wasn't experiencing apathy or detachment. She was finally feeling _something_; it was just too bad the emotion wasn't entirely positive.

"Well, the view sure went downhill once yah got here!" she retorted, shuffling further down the seat to put some space between them. Why was he sitting so close?

"Oh really?" he replied easily, not at all daunted by her insult. Sliding even nearer, he leaned in and whispered, "Y' seemed pretty out of it – I t'ink y' must've been distracted by dis Cajun's good looks, henh?"

The girl snorted, but it quickly turned into a startled shriek as her continual inching away from him had led her to tumble right off the edge of the bench.

She grimaced as the boy chuckled, peering down at her in delight. "Ahh, so y' literally are fallin' for me!"

"Yah really aren't winnin' yourself any points here," she informed him as haughtily as she could from her sprawled out position on the grass. She was also slightly perturbed with how her deadly glare wasn't having any effect on him.

At least Remy seemed to take the hint, standing up and dramatically crying, "Oh _chère_, right y' are – where _are_ my manners? I really should apologize for my dashin' good looks throwin' y' off balance!" Then he reached down and gallantly offered her a hand to help her stand. Even though Rogue had already decided to swat it away in disgust, she didn't have the chance to actually do so before they were interrupted.

"What's going on here? Gambit, what are you doing?" came a shout, and Rogue looked up to see Scott dashing towards them, with Jean in tow.

She wondered what had prompted the angry look on his face, but noticing that she was still on the ground with Remy towering over her, she hazarded a guess that their little tableau didn't look very good. She tried to explain, but unfortunately the brash Cajun spoke first.

"Don't t'ink dat's any of your business, _homme_," he retorted, his posture tensing. "What de hell are _you_ doin' here?"

"Jean and I are on a date! See, now _that's_ a perfect example of something that's none of your business, whereas you messing with one of my team mates is _definitely_ my business!" Cyclops sneered in return, taking a step towards the Acolyte. "What did you do to her?"

"Didn't do anythin' t' de _fille_!" Gambit shouted back, sounding insulted. He moved towards the other boy as well as he mocked, "What, it is illegal t' talk t' her?"

"Great, keep talkin' about me like Ah'm not even here," Rogue grumbled to herself, annoyed by their macho posturing. Fed up, she slung an arm over the bench so she could pull herself to her feet, but then a wave of dizziness suddenly hit that sent her reeling inelegantly back down into the dirt.

The others didn't notice, with Jean busy doing her best to step between the two irritated boys. "Both of you relax – this really isn't the best place for this! We don't want to make a scene!"

"Why de hell not?" Gambit shot back, shooting a dangerous smile in the X-Men's direction. "I don't mind bein' in de spotlight."

Scott's lips thinned in disapproval. "Well, we do. We're not about to sink to your level!"

At any other time Rogue would have jumped into their argument, but at the moment she could barely comprehend their words. The world was spinning around her, and no more desperate rationalizations on her part would be enough to convince her that she was fine. "Guys?" she cried out anxiously, but it came out so weakly that nobody heard her.

"An' just what level might dat be?" Gambit continued to goad Cyclops, inching closer until they were directly in each other's faces.

Jean placed a hand on each of their shoulders, trying to force them apart. "Boys! Stop it!"

Everything around her was becoming progressively blurrier, until Rogue could barely make anything out. She clung fiercely to the bench beside her, needing the support of something solid to avoid being swept away by the chaos that whirled around her. Laying her head down on the wooden slats, she closed her eyes and pleadingly murmured, "Guys, Ah don't… Ah don't feel so good…"

"_Anna, can you hear me?"_

_She looks up and is startled to see a man in a glaringly white doctor's coat crouching down in front of her. The coat, along with his dark hair and eyes, makes him look deathly pale. She squints at him in bewilderment for a moment before glancing around. _

_She is sitting with her legs drawn up to her chest, huddled in a corner where the padded gray walls met. They are the same dull, drab gray colour as the uniform she has on, and she stares at it incomprehensibly before rasping, "What… What is this?"_

_The doctor inspects her critically. "Do you know where you are, Anna?"_

"..._Bayville?" she replies unsurely. That is right, isn't it? It sounds right, for some reason…_

_But the man shakes his head. "No, not there. Don't you remember? You're in the Xavier Institute."_

_That name is familiar to her, and she grasps at it. "Yeah… The Institute…In Bayville."_

"_No, none of that is real. This is the __**real**__ Xavier Institute, the Institute for Troubled Youngsters – a mental institution." She blinks, then opens her mouth intending to correct him, yet she cannot quite figure out how. He continues to explain, "You've been here with us for the past two years. Do you remember any of this?"_

_She frowns, examining the doctor. He is staring at her probingly, like she is some sort of toy to take apart and tinker with – and she doesn't like it. Turning away from his eerie gaze, she takes in the rest of the room; it is empty except for a bed against one of the walls, with large leather restraints hanging off of it. For some reason the sight sends a shiver down her spine and she whimpers, shuffling backwards to try and cower even further into the corner._

_The doctor reaches towards her and she flinches, pulling her knees up higher to hide her face. "Anna? Try and calm yourself – you have a visitor."_

_She cautiously lifts her head and peeks through a curtain of limp, unkempt hair. She watches as the doctor moves to the door and opens it; a tall, severe-looking woman strides inside, whose eyes instantly seek out her own._

"_Anna Marie?" she asks hopefully, and her hard expression instantly softens as she tentatively makes her way over._

_She gapes as the woman crouches down and places a gentle hand on her knee. "Oh Anna… It's so good to talk to you again, sweetie."_

"…_Mystique?" she questions hesitantly._

_The tearful smile on her face fades as she corrects, "No, baby, it's me – Momma."_

_She opens and closes her mouth a few times, at a complete loss. This can't be right. Something feels __**off**__ about all this…_

"_Keep talking to her, Ms. Darkholme – it appears she is slowly becoming lucid," the doctor orders from where he stands, observing intently. "The sound of your voice might ground her."_

"_Oh sweetie… I've missed you so much. How are you feeling? Please, can you speak to me?"_

_No, no… This is wrong, this is all wrong! Clutching at her scalp, her fingers tangle in her messy locks as she angrily shakes her head back and forth._

"_Anna, no! Stay with me, please! Can you hear me? Anna! Can you –"_

"– hear me? Rogue, are you okay?"

Suddenly she was back in the park, huddled beside the graffiti-covered bench. Jean and Scott were anxiously hovering over her and Remy stood behind them, watching over their shoulders. "Is she okay?" he wondered, attempting to sound casual but failing to hide the worry in his voice.

"I don't know," Cyclops responded tersely. "What did you do to her?"

"How many times I gotta tell y', I didn't do anyt'in' t' de _fille_!" Gambit cried back, exasperated.

"What, are we supposed to just take your word for it? You probably –"

"Would yah two _shut up_?" Rogue burst out, surprising both them and herself – but she'd had enough of listening to their inane squabble. The dizziness had abated, and now embarrassment was rapidly taking its place. Trying to save face, she insisted, "Ah'm perfectly fine!" and to prove her point she again attempted to heave herself up off the ground. This time she succeeded – at least until she tried to take a step away, and a wave of light-headedness overtook her and sent her stumbling.

"Rogue!" her team mates exclaimed, both lunging forward to catch her. To her annoyance, Scott slung one of her arms over his shoulders and propped her up while Jean patted her on the other and gently said, "Rogue, you're clearly _not_ fine… Maybe you're coming down with something? We really should get you back home."

Despite her concerned tone, to Rogue's ears her words sounded unbearably condescending. The resentment they raised, along with the implication that she would be stuck in the med bay to be poked and prodded, created a new and desperate determination not to have to endure any of that. She jerked away from Scott's support and vehemently repeated, "No! There's nothin' wrong with me!"

But to her supreme irritation, another two steps had her wobbling like a newborn colt once more, and this time Gambit was the one to scoop her up. "Woah, _chère_. Maybe y' should take it easy?"

She scowled as she struggled to free herself from his hold. "Whose side are yah on, swamp rat?"

"At de risk of agreein' with Pink-Eye dere, maybe y' should go home an' crawl int' bed – ain't no shame in havin' de flu or nothin'," Remy spoke soothingly to her. Rogue would have classified his words as actually being kind, but then he just _had _to finish off with a smirk and a leer. "How 'bout I help tuck y' in, henh?"

"There's no need to be lewd, Gambit," Scott reprimanded him, moving over to tug Rogue from the other mutant's clutches. Normally she would have protested at being manhandled like that, but now her mind was too busy buzzing over Remy's words.

The flu? No, this wasn't the flu… But it was _something_, wasn't it? It was getting harder and harder to remain in denial, or to ignore the dark, ominous feeling that had settled deep within her bones.

The Southerner barely acknowledged Jean and Scott dragging her away from the Acolyte and back towards the Institute; she was too wrapped up in her thoughts. But on this journey there was no pleasant haze or lost time – this time she was aware of every agonizing second, as she fought to suppress the fear that something was seriously wrong with her.

- **To Be Continued…** -

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Curiouser and curiouser… So Rogue gets more information from her little visions, although it isn't exactly what you could call comforting. Just why is she seeing those things?

**Next chapter** – Rogue comes up with a potential explanation for what might be causing her hallucinations…

You're not just going to run off, are you? If I'm deprived of my wonderful reviews, I might be the one who ends up in an asylum… ;)

Toodles,

– ish –


	3. Diagnosis

**Disclaimer**: Just a note to Stan Lee and Joss Whedon – I'll be watching you… And the second I spot any weaknesses, I'll swoop in like a vulture. You've been warned. Ta!

**A/N**: Well, another week, another update. It warms the cockles of my cold little heart that so many of you are enjoying this! Keep the love coming, people, and I'll keep the chapters rolling. It's a nice little reciprocal system we've got going on, isn't it? ;)

Er, right, so where were we? Oh yes, Rogue appears to be going crazy. Well, methinks it's time for some slight… exposition! Read on, my pretties.

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**SOLIPSISM**

**Chapter 3 – Diagnosis**

"Ah've started havin' these weird... flashes, of- Of me in a mental institution," Rogue reluctantly confessed, intently fiddling with her gloves. She didn't want to focus on anything else, because the sterile environment of the med bay reminded her of _that_ place, with its lack of colour and natural light and any warmth whatsoever...

She couldn't help but shiver. Was it a good sign that now she could at least remember parts of those visions, or hallucinations, or whatever they were? Somehow she doubted it. Either way, it certainly wasn't making her feel any better.

Beside her, Professor Xavier wore an equally perturbed expression. Furrowing his brow, he gently prompted, "Is this similar to what occurred before? Are your psyches causing you trouble again?"

"That's what Ah thought at first," she admitted, biting her lip and hoping she could avoid a lecture on full disclosure, trusting your team, and overcoming stubborn pride. "It seems different from what happened before, but – Ah mean, it's gotta be them, right?" What else _could_ it be?

"Some residual memories from the psyches would be the logical assumption," the Professor confirmed, wheeling closer to where the girl sat tensely on the bed. Her legs were hanging over the edge, swinging impatiently; she was ready to bolt the very instant she could. He tried to muster a soothing voice as he then suggested, "Might I attempt to scan your mind, Rogue? Perhaps I can determine what is causing their unusual activity. It may very well be some sort of natural progression or growth of your powers; however, there is the off chance it may be an outside influence…"

"An outside influence?" the Southerner echoed in alarm. "What do yah mean? Someone's messin' with my head?" She wasn't sure whether some other telepath trying to worm their way into her brain was better or worse than having her own powers act against her for no apparent reason. Again.

"I don't wish to worry you – it's a very unlikely scenario," Xavier strove to placate her. "However, I still would like to enter your mind to calm the psyches, and see if –"

"– _there are possibilities for a full recovery," the doctor declares._

_He finishes speaking, then coolly folds his hands together __and rests them on the surface of his large oak desk. It is clearly an antique, and its stateliness seems out of place within the confines of the lifeless institution. Resting prominently on top of it, a bronze nameplate proclaiming 'Dr. Nathaniel Essex' shines too brilliantly for her eyes to take in; she isn't used to seeing so many colours after spending every single day in her dingy gray room. _

_Averting her gaze, she turns towards the wall of medical degrees and awards triumphantly flaunted behind him, but she cannot concentrate on them. She merely ends up staring blankly as he adds, "There are some risks, of course, but –"_

"_Wait," demands Raven's firm voice from where she sits across from the man. Looking over at her daughter, who is curled up tightly in the chair next to her, she hopefully questions, "You're telling me that Anna could be like she was before any of this happened?"_

"_That is our goal, of course."_

"_Well, forgive me for being skeptical, **doctor**," she retorts bitingly, "But you've promised me that before. I gave consent for you to run your 'experiments', and they produced absolutely no results – if anything, they made her even worse!"_

_Essex rises from his seat. "Ms. Darkholme, I thought I made it perfectly clear to you that the treatments I attempt with my subj- that is, with my patients, are never guaranteed to work! You must understand the severity of your daughter's condition." __Sighing, he walks around the desk to stand rigidly next to the corner, where he stares intently at his patient. "For the past two years, Anna has been in an undifferentiated type of schizophrenia." _

"_Don't patronize me, doctor – I know perfectly well what her condition is!" the woman snaps. "That's not what I'm asking!"_

"_I'm simply trying to convey the complexity of the situation," he replies, somewhat irritated. "Anna's delusions are multi-layered, beyond anything I've ever seen. She has incorporated elements of the real world into them. Some are small, insignificant details, such as the name of this institution being the same as her boarding school. Some are more abstract qualities, such as her feelings of isolation manifesting themselves through her so-called 'mutant power', as the inability to touch anybody. Yet at the same time, she has placed herself in the midst of a team of heroes, who act as her family."_

"_The X-Men?" Raven supplies tentatively. _

"_Indeed. But that is only one level. She has also developed an intricate latticework to support this primary delusion – in effect, she's created an entire world!" he explains. _

_She watches as he gestures enthusiastically with his hands, sounding utterly fascinated. She is slowly beginning to comprehend the dialogue now, as it permeates the fog in her head. She recognizes the individual words, yet they still aren't making any sense… _

_She frowns as he continues, "Anna has placed herself as the central figure in this fantasy land. She has surrounded herself by these 'mutants', each with their own superpowers, who are as real to her as you or I – even more so, actually. Together they have faced overblown conflicts against a variety of villains, each more fanciful than the last. Every time we think we are close to reaching your daughter, new enemies are created – it has progressed from fights against another group of teenagers, to government-built robots, and now to some mythical prophecy concerning someone she calls 'Apocalypse'."_

_As soon as she hears that name, things start flooding back to her. The fog clears, and somehow she **knows**. Sitting up abruptly, she cries, "Of course! How did Ah miss this?"_

"_Anna?" her mother wonders, reaching out to squeeze her hand in reassurance._

_She only swats it away impatiently, exclaiming, "Mesmero! He must have done this to me, to get to Apocalypse – just like he did with Jean an' the others!"_

"_No sweetie, you're confused! You're safe here, don't worry," Raven maintains, trying to pacify her daughter, but she instead becomes increasingly agitated._

_Before she leaps out of her chair, Dr. Essex quickly steps over and firmly places his hands on her shoulders, keeping her down. "Anna, calm yourself. None of that is real. You're here with your family."_

_Family? She shakes her head, upset, before vainly searching around the room. She wants family, she wants friends; she wants laughter and happiness, all of which feel foreign to her in this place of coldness and confusion and fear. "Kurt?" she murmurs tearfully. "Where's Kurt?" _

"_Kurt? That's the brother, right?" Raven whispers to the doctor._

_He nods. "Yes. Rogue actually modified her delusions, making this 'Kurt' character into a foster-brother to accommodate a need for a familial bond." _

_Then turning to her, he superiorly states, "But that didn't help, did it? Your brother, your friends, all those people you created in Bayville, they aren't as comforting as they once were, are they? They're coming apart."_

_She whimpers, drawing up her knees to hide herself. "No, no… They're my family!"_

"_Anna Marie, please, listen to what Dr. Essex is saying. It's important!" her mother urges, lightly stroking the girl's tousled hair._

"_Anna, pay attention to what I'm telling you," the doctor speaks firmly, kneeling down in front of her. "You are not a mutant – there are no such things! You are going to have to accept that, just as you are going to have to accept that your world is becoming exceedingly improbable. Try to think about it logically for a second – you start off fighting other teenagers, and then suddenly the government? Now some all-powerful mutant? You are not in some cartoon or comic book – how far will this go?"_

"_No, you're lying," she sobs, not wanting to hear any more of the man's harsh words. "You're wrong! This is all __**wrong**__!"_

"_I'm telling you the truth," he insists. "You have to –"_

"– calm them down," the Professor proposed, lifting his hands until they hovered alongside Rogue's temples. "Now, may I?"

She stared at him for a few seconds before asking in bewilderment, "Haven't yah already?"

The steadiness of his hands momentarily faltered as he cautiously queried, "Why would you think that? I only just asked your permission; I haven't so much as budged yet."

"B-but…" Rogue stuttered uneasily, unable to pull a coherent thought from many that were running about in her head. It had seemed like so long had passed…

Xavier leaned forward, and with some effort managed to meet her evasive gaze. "Did you have another episode?"

All she could do was nod, but that simple action was enough to spur the man on. His resolve firming, he sat up straighter in his wheelchair and declared, "We must get to the bottom of this immediately. Try and relax, Rogue." And closing his eyes, the Professor delved into the madness of her mind, which she did her best to open for him. The slight pressure she felt in her head told her she was at least successful in that regard; she could only hope that the same could be said for him finding something.

She debated whether or not to try and concentrate on her odd little flashes, but decided not to; of what little she _did_ remember from the scenes in the asylum, she found she wished she hadn't. Instead Rogue reasoned that keeping her mind free from impeding distractions would probably be most helpful, and thus she strove to filter out everything around her. She began to focus on her breathing, inhaling and exhaling deeply and deliberately; it became relaxing, and soon the only thing she could hear was the steady beat of her heart.

She breathed in… and out… and in… and out…

Time seemed to slow to a crawl, with her heartbeat counting down the moments as diligently as the second hand of a clock. It was so very repetitive, so very rhythmic, that she slowly began to loose herself in the sound, and for a second she began to forget where she was…

"_Anna? Are you still there? Can you –"_

"– hear me?" came the Professor's kindly voice, and instantly she snapped back to attention.

"Yes! Yeah, Ah'm here," she responded quickly, shaking her head as if it would help to dispel whatever was wrong with her. "Did yah find anythin'?"

"Unfortunately," Xavier began, "I was unable to detect anything out of the ordinary. The psyches are still contained, exactly as I left them after your… incident."

"What?" she cried, with more panic seeping into her tone than she had meant to convey. She unconsciously clutched the bed sheets in her fists. "But there has to be somethin'! Ah mean, it has to be Mesmero or somebody doin' this to me, right? He could be tryin' to control me, just like with the others at that carnival… There _has_ to be some trace of him!"

"Calm down, Rogue," the Professor soothed, holding up his hands to halt her agitated outburst. "I assure you, we shall keep searching for an answer. We _will_ find out why this is happening to you."

How badly she wanted to believe his words! They were so confident, so sure. "…Okay," she murmured – but the dark, doubting part of her was all too eager to point out that he hadn't managed to help her before. Would this time really be different?

She bit her lip fiercely, using the sharp burst of pain to ground herself. It _would _be different; or at least, she had to _believe_ it would be, because she didn't know how much more of this she could take.

Ever since her powers had manifested, Rogue had gotten somewhat used to hearing voices in her head – but these new ones were different. These new ones weren't just mere whispers; they were full-on three-dimensional sensory experiences, complete with sight, sound, smell, taste... and touch. They didn't just disorient her – they _terrified_ her, pulling her into a cold, empty world where she felt utterly and despairingly lost…

She wanted them gone, as soon as possible; she didn't want to be trapped in this continual tug-of-war between two worlds. She needed answers, and she needed them _now_…

And yet, inexplicably, the notion of finding those answers somehow seemed to unfurl a feeling of dread deep within her as well.

- **To Be Continued…** -

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So, is Mesmero really the one behind this? Might Rogue be right to fear more concrete answers? Depends on what she finds out, I suppose. 

**Next chapter** – some heart-to-heart chats make things clearer for Rogue, and help her decide on a course of action…

All reading and no reviewing make ishandahalf something something… You all know what to do! ;)

Toodles,

– ish –


	4. Containment

**Disclaimer**: By reading this disclaimer, you have hereby acknowledged that any recognizable characters and/or plot are sadly not the property of ishandahalf, but rather of creative geniuses far more influential than her. Sigh.

**A/N**: Hello again! Sorry this update wasn't as timely as the last – not only is my new job really kicking my ass, but I've also been trying to finish the Harry Potter series before Book 7 comes out next Saturday (dun dun duhh!). However, the lovely reviews I receive really do get me in gear. We're slowly but surely approaching the climax here, so I hope you'll all keep enjoying this! Now, shall we carry on then?

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**SOLIPSISM**

**Chapter 4 – Containment**

"Rogue?" Beast's baritone voice broke through the oppressive silence, but as soon as she heard his next question, she almost wished he hadn't spoken at all. "How are you feeling?"

She'd been asked that too many times to count. "Ah'm okay," she replied with her standard answer. What else could she say? If she were to voice exactly how worried and anxious – and, she grudgingly admitted to herself, _scared_ – she truly felt, it would take too long to properly explain. She didn't even know if she would be able to.

At least Dr. McCoy was well used to her taciturn nature from all the time she had previously spent in the med bay. The bestial man simply nodded, preoccupied with checking the monitors he had hooked up to Rogue's body. "Hmm, everything seems fine here…" he murmured to himself, and Rogue had to stop herself from sniping at him. Of course everything read as normal – there was nothing _physically _wrong with her. It was mental, and in her opinion the poking and prodding that Beast insisted he do upon her admittance into his lab had been utterly pointless.

Sighing deeply, the young mutant told herself to calm down; he was only trying to help, after all. It would do her no good to alienate one of the few people in the entire mansion who didn't hesitate to be near her… She tried to blame her irritation on the fact that it wasn't particularly pleasant to be stuck in a hospital-type setting in both the real world _and _her hallucinations. Despite there being no bars on the windows or locks on the doors like there were in the asylum, she still felt caged; there was a horrible gnawing in the pit of her stomach, urging her to just _get out_.

Concentrating hard on trying to ignore that feeling, Rogue almost missed the doctor inquire, "Have you had any more episodes recently?"

"Just little flashes," she informed him, with a hopeful inflection. "Nothin' major." That was a good sign, right? She hadn't been fully pulled back to _that_ place again. Maybe it would stop all on its own…

Beast gave his patient a toothy grin; it never quite managed to convey reassurance, what with the presence of his large fangs, but the gesture was still appreciated. "Well, that sounds promising!" He jotted a note down on his clipboard before then asking, "Now, if you would excuse me? I should go notify the Professor about these latest readouts. And also, I believe you have a visitor!"

Rogue was taken aback by his announcement. A visitor? But Wolverine was out prowling in search of Mesmero, and Xavier had been locked in Cerebro all day in attempts to pinpoint any other ill-intentioned telepaths; and if news of her having another potential breakdown had spread amongst the mansion's students, she anticipated they would be increasing their distance from her even more. Who would want to come visit?

She received her answer when Beast lumbered out of the med lab, accompanied by the futuristic swooshing sound of the sliding door. Once he had moved away from the doorway, another blue mutant took his place. When Rogue saw him, she sat up straighter in her bed. "Kurt?"

"_Ja_, it's me," he said, fidgeting unsurely. "Can I come in? Or is zis a bad time?"

"Er… No, come in," the girl beckoned, albeit hesitantly. "Ah just… wasn't expectin' yah, that's all."

"Vell, I heard vhat happened," he told her, trotting over to the chair that sat at her bedside. "How are you?"

"Ah'm fine," she lied once more. It got easier each time; the response was practically automatic now.

However, the boy gave her a piercing look, clearly not believing her. She steadfastly ignored it. When she didn't elaborate, the pair lapsed into silence. Awkward silence. It was Nightcrawler who finally put an end to the quiet and tentatively questioned, "Can ve talk?"

"Uh, sure…" she replied warily. Judging by his rather subdued and nervous manner, it was obvious he wanted to discuss something deeper than his latest prank or video game high score – and Rogue had a sinking feeling she knew what the topic of conversation would be.

He was her brother.

Well, foster-brother, if they were going to be technical about it… But they had yet to broach the subject. Rogue had done her best to try and not think about any of the hurtful revelations that had come from her incident, and that included thoughts of her newly-discovered and wholly dysfunctional family. She was determined to deny any and all ties to Mystique – that really wasn't even an issue for her. However, it was only some time afterwards that she realized Kurt was involved as well.

To be perfectly honest, she wasn't sure how she felt about that. She couldn't deny that having a brother would be a small spot of good to come out of that whole fiasco...

Yet she worried. She had no _real_ connections to them, did she? There was no biological link, no blood bond between them – they were not a real family. In the case of Mystique, that was a small blessing; in the case of Kurt… She wasn't sure where that left them.

She wondered if Kurt had thought along the same lines. Perhaps a part of the reason for keeping his distance after that night was his own uncertainty about how to proceed with all this?

There was only one way to find out, she supposed; and although she wasn't exactly feeling up to any heart-to-hearts, she bit the bullet. Attempting to sound unconcerned, she asked, "What's up, Kurt?"

Rogue saw him open his mouth to begin, but then the movement of his lips failed to match the words she heard in her head. _"You don't have a brother, Anna_,_"_ a firm feminine voice spoke instead, and she frowned in confusion.

"What did yah say?" she blurted out, shaking her head, but when she turned back to look at Kurt he was no longer there.

"_Kurt?" she calls out, searching for him._

"_No, honey," Raven insists from the chair beside her bed. "He isn't real. Say it – it will help you believe it."_

_She pauses, but slowly utters, "He's… not real?"_

"_That's right. You don't have a brother."_

"_Ah… don't have… a brother," she repeats waveringly, while her mother nods in approval. But that isn't true, is it? In a sudden moment of clarity, she rushes to explain, "Ah know he's not my **real** brother! Ah didn't grow up with him – Ah was adopted, he's Mystique's real son."_

_The woman turns towards the doctor imploringly, a desperate expression on her face. He steps forward from his place in the shadows and adds, "It's only your mind playing tricks on you, Anna. You made him up; he doesn't really exist."_

"_You're my little girl, Anna Marie – my one and only," Raven whispers fervently, leaning forward. "I've missed you. I want to take you home with me, and things can be just like they were before. We can go back to Mississippi, and be with Aunt Irene… Do you remember? You had so much fun there. But you have to get better first! Can you do that?" She reaches out and gently tucks a piece of hair behind her ear, before moving to lovingly caress her cheek._

_She flinches at first; she is already pressed up against the headboard of the bed and has nowhere else to recoil to, no way to evade the touch. However, as her mother makes contact with her bare skin, nothing happens. _

_She gasps – no absorption?_

_It takes a few moments to comprehend what has just occurred. She is almost afraid to believe it… Was it some sort of cruel fluke? Somehow, she doesn't think so; and now that the notion is in her head, she cannot shake it loose. She slowly stretches a hand towards her mother's face, desperate to feel more skin…_

But then suddenly it was Kurt's face that she was aiming for, and a startled Rogue quickly snatched her hand away. Bringing her fingers up to stroke her own cheek, she could still feel the tingle where she had been touched and she fought to quell her disappointment. It had felt so _real_!

At first the boy seemed bewildered by her actions, but then he practically wilted in front of her eyes. "I'm not even there, am I?" he scoffed, clearly hurt by the conclusion.

She glanced over at him distractedly. "What?"

"You said it a second ago – in zat world, you don't have a _bruder_," Kurt cried, standing up from his seat so quickly that he knocked the chair over. "Zat's what I came to talk to you about, but I don't know vhy I bothered. Do you feel ze same in zis world too?" He didn't wait for a reply before he began to turn away. "Maybe I'll spend time vith somebody who actually vants me around!"

"No, Kurt, wait!" Rogue shouted, grabbing his arm. "Ah… Ah didn't mean –"

"Yes, you did!" he snapped back, shaking loose from her grip. "Zat's all you've been doing lately, pushing us avay! Do you like being alone? Are you _trying _to get everybody to hate you?"

She drew back in surprise, never having seen such anger emanating from the normally jolly boy. "That's not what –"

"Zat _is_ vhat you're doing! You alvays hide behind your powers and say you can't get close to people, but you don't even _try_!"

"How _dare_ yah?" Rogue gasped, immediately reverting to the defensive. "It's not my fault Ah'm this way, Ah can't help my powers! And _Ah_ haven't been the one avoidin' people – _they've_ been tiptoein' around _me_ ever since my powers went crazy!"

"See? It always comes down to your powers!" Kurt exclaimed, throwing his hands into the air in frustration. "It's not your powers zat push people away, it's _you_! Stop making excuses and face reality!" And with those final words he disappeared in a cloud of sulphur, leaving an absolutely stunned Rogue behind.

Balling her hands into fists, she lashed out and hit the closest object, which happened to be the railings of her bed. They rattled and clanked together, leaving her knuckles sore, but that ache was welcome at the moment; it was better than the one she felt inside. How could he say those things? He was one of the few in the mansion that didn't completely avoid her or alienate her, one of the few that seemed like he gave a damn… But he didn't understand.

Nobody did.

"_Anna?"_

Rogue smiled bitterly when she heard the doctor's cool tone, and in an instant a decision was made. She let herself fall backwards onto her pillows in resignation. She didn't fight this time, but merely let the voice wash over her.

"_Anna? Are you with us?"_

_Letting a lone tear escape and trail down her cheek, she nods and then opens her eyes. Gazing imploringly at Dr. Essex, she whimpers, "Ah don't wanna go back there." _

_Turning to her mother, who gazes hopefully over the doctor's shoulder, she murmurs, "Ah wanna go home." The word sounds foreign to her, but as soon as she says it, it somehow feels __**right.**_

_She wants a home, more than anything. She thought she had found one with the X-Men... It seems she had been wrong. But maybe she can find one here. Here, where she has a mother who clearly loves her. Here, where there are no mutant powers to isolate her._

_Here, she is not alone._

_Raven beams at her, her gaze watery. "Oh Anna, sweetie, I know. I want that too – but first we've got to get you better."_

"_A-Ah wanna be healthy again," she declares slowly, hauling herself up into a sitting position. Turning to the doctor, she quietly demands, "What do Ah have to do?"_

_Essex stares at her for a moment, as if surprised to see her so lucid – but her tone is calm and certain, so he quickly collects himself. "It's not going to be easy, Anna," he informs her, brisk and business-like. "You will have to start purging your mind of all the things that support your hallucinations. Do you understand what I mean? There are things in your world that you cling to – in your delusions they comfort you, but they are really just traps for your mind. You have to eliminate them."_

_She looks at him uncomprehendingly at first, but then slowly utters, "The X-men?"_

"_Exactly," he nods. "Your friends and family are what keep you returning to your world. A few weeks ago, when you had a momentary awakening, it was them that pulled you back there."_

"_They're not really your friends, Anna," Raven adds, moving closer and stroking her daughter's hair soothingly. "They're not helping you – they only keep you from being healthy again!"_

"_You __**have**__ to realize that," the doctor declares fervently, leaning down to look the girl intensely in the eyes. "I think some part of you unconsciously does – lately you've been isolated from them, haven't you? Your friends have been avoiding you. So why would you want to go back to a world where nobody cares about you, where nobody wants you?"_

_She doesn't know exactly why, but more tears begin to prick her eyes. "Doctor!" Raven snaps when she sees them. "Aren't you being a bit harsh?"_

"_It has to be done. Coddling her will do no good; she needs to face reality!" he maintains, before turning back to her and continuing, "You know I'm right, don't you Anna? You've noticed that your world isn't as comforting for you as it used to be. That is the first step – now all you have to do is end it all. Do whatever it takes, but just end it."_

_She forces herself away from his burning gaze. End it all? That actually sounds tempting… To be free of them all, free of the judgments and the voices and the prisons of her own body and mind…_

"_Anna," her mother speaks softly, pleadingly. "Can you do it? Can you get rid of them, and come back to me?"_

_She doesn't answer. She only stares off in front of her, unfocused. Slowly the room begins to fade away around her. _

Rogue awoke in the med bay once more, her mother's final plea still echoing eerily in her mind.

Slowly sitting up, she noticed a tray placed next to her bedside, set with a sandwich and apple juice. The sight of it made her momentarily salivate – when was the last time she had eaten? – but before she grabbed the plate, it hit her. It wasn't real, was it? The snack was just a figment of her imagination, of her malfunctioning mind, and her feeling of hunger probably was too. She quickly snatched her hand back; she didn't need that food.

She didn't need _any_ of this.

Tossing her legs out over the side of the bed, Rogue quickly stood. She shivered when her bare feet touched the cold tiled floor, but she reminded herself that the sensation wasn't real either. _None_ of it was real! And with that realization came a surge of anger. This world, this life, was all a sham. All the hurt, all the pain she had been through… Had it all been for nothing then?

She didn't want to live in a world of illusions anymore… Didn't she deserve the truth? Didn't she deserve reality?

She quietly padded to the door, which slid open and let her into the main area of the medical bay. The only one there was Hank, whose attention was captured by the microscope slides he was intently examining; he hadn't yet noticed that his patient was awake.

Good, Rogue thought – that would make it all the easier. Her nerves grew as she snuck up behind him, so she silently chanted a mantra to steady herself.

_This isn't real, this isn't real… They aren't real…_

She slowly extended her bare hand.

- **To Be Continued…** -

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Uh oh! Rogue, that might not be the best of ideas... 

**Next chapter** – Rogue is on a mission to set her world to rights. Or at least, to what she _thinks_ is right…

I'm issuing a challenge! Think we can beat the 100 review mark this time around? I sure believe we can – so please rally, dear reviewers, and leave me a review before you go! ;)

Toodles,

– ish –


	5. Treatment

**Disclaimer**: Omelette de fromage! (Gold stars for anybody who gets this reference)

**A/N**: Well, it's been a rather hectic week, so frankly, I'm rather shocked I was able to find the time to post this chapter. The fic gods must be smiling down on me… And it certainly seems the review gods are too! I'm just tickled that so many of you seem to be enjoying this - hopefully you'll keep liking it, especially as we start heading into the climax. So yes, here we go. Onward, yonder!

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**SOLIPSISM**

**Chapter 5 – Treatment**

Usually when the sun rose in the mornings, the Xavier Institute was already stirring (albeit unenthusiastically). Blaring alarm clocks, shrill protests to hurry up in the bathroom, and frantic questions about what to wear could always be heard drifting down the hallways.

Today, however, was different. Today, the mansion was as silent as the grave.

Rogue wished she could have enjoyed the quiet as she stumbled down the halls, but for her there was no peace whatsoever – instead there was a cacophonous overcrowding in her head, one that was even louder than usual.

"Shut up in there!" she rasped, wincing as she valiantly willed the voices to hush. They were anything but pleased at what she had done, and their angry screeches and screams ensured Rogue was well aware of that fact.

They weren't real, she kept reminding herself. And very soon she would finally be rid of them; she only had to hold out a while longer… Only a little bit longer, so she could finish what she started. It was hard, but it had to be done. Oddly enough, the shouts of the psyches helped in that regard – they were acting up because they were frightened, she realized, frightened that very soon they would be no more. That was indeed the plan… And she was determined to see it through.

She simply had to.

It was the only way.

Opening the door to her own room, she quickly slipped inside. Kitty's clock radio was buzzing, and the other girl had just begun to stir. Rogue cursed her timing, thinking her task would have been easier before she had woken up…. But it was too late for that now. She began to walk over to her roommate's bed, but before she could reach it Shadowcat's eyes opened and peered blearily up at her.

"Morning," she mumbled in the midst of a yawn, and then stretched in the manner that her namesake implied. "Hey, you're out of the med lab already? You must be feeling better!"

"Yeah, Ah'm gonna be all better now," Rogue replied vaguely, wringing her bare hands together.

Perhaps it had been the nervous gesture that betrayed her inner turmoil, or perhaps her lack of gloves had been noted. Either way, Kitty sat up, rubbed her eyes, and gazed more intently at her. "Hey, are you okay, Rogue? You don't look too good…"

"Ah'm fine," she answered mechanically.

"No offence, but you totally don't look it," she said, smiling lightly to make her joking manner clear. "You need to get out more, you're even paler than usual!" And after a moment's consideration, she tentatively added, "I'm going to the mall later... Want to come? Retail therapy always works wonders."

Rogue shook her head, looking down at her friend sorrowfully. "Sorry Kit, yah ain't goin' anywhere."

Kitty blinked, not understanding. "Why not?"

"Yah've got to sleep, like the others," she explained matter-of-factly, starting to inch closer. "It's the only way Ah can get healthy."

The younger girl sat up a bit straighter, looking alarmed. "What are you talking about?" When Rogue simply stared dazedly, she warily continued, "Rogue, are you sure everything's all right? You _really_ don't look so good…"

Oh, so _now_ her friend was concerned? Funny that she noticed when things were finally starting to turn around, when everything would finally be fixed. What about before, when Rogue's powers had gone haywire? What about after that incident, when she had needed somebody to talk to, to tell her that it hadn't been her fault, and that they didn't blame her for it?

But none of that mattered anymore, Rogue decided, as she abruptly lunged in Kitty's direction.

"Woah!" the girl shrieked, activating her powers instinctively. Phasing harmlessly through the attack, she tumbled out on the other side of her bed, trying to keep an obstacle between her and Rogue. "What are you doing? What's wrong with you!"

"Ah'm tryin' to _fix_ what's wrong with me," she replied calmly, before leaping over the mattress and renewing her assault.

"No! Stay away from me!" the younger mutant cried, clearly baffled and scared at Rogue's bizarre behaviour, but able to keep enough of her wits about her to phase away one more time and race through the door.

The Southerner spun on her heel and followed, pausing for a second at the door to wrench it open before bursting out into the hallway on fast pursuit.

She watched disconnectedly as Shadowcat stumbled down the hall in a blind panic, shouting out, "Help! Help! Jean? Professor! God, why aren't they answering?"

"They can't hear you," Rogue coolly informed her, but Kitty wasn't listening. Reaching the boys' wing of the mansion, she activated her powers and threw herself through the wall of the first room she came to in a sorry attempt to hide.

Rogue shook her head. "Yah can't run from me, Kit," she called out eerily, slowing down her pace to an easy stroll. "Ah have to do this… Why don't yah come out an' make it easier on the both of us?"

For a few seconds there was silence, until a frightened plea came from inside the room. "Rogue, you don't know what you're doing! You're, like, hallucinating or something! I can help you through this if you just talk to me!"

She laughed humourlessly as she came to a stop outside the room. Bracing her hands against the jamb, she let her head fall forward and rested it against the door's smooth wooden finish. "Ah _know_ Ah'm hallucinatin'… Yah're just a trap fo' my mind."

"No, Rogue, please! Is that what the psyches told you? Don't listen to them – what they're telling you _isn't real_!"

Rogue frowned, stepped back, and then focused. The very next second she had appeared inside the room in a puff of sulphur, scaring Kitty out of her skin as she spun around and gaped at the intruder. "H-how did you do that?" was the first thing she could think to blurt out, but her voice left her when Rogue merely pointed.

There, across the room, a prone Nightcrawler lay unmoving on the floor.

Shadowcat gasped and rushed over to him. "Oh my God, Kurt!" she wept. She tentatively reached out to check for a pulse, and sighed in delirious relief when she saw the slow but steady movement of his chest. "Oh Rogue, why did you do this? How _could_ you?"

She bristled defensively at the accusation, but held her tongue. Their judgments and recriminations didn't matter anymore, she reminded herself for what felt like the hundredth time.

Instead, she started to stalk forward. This was taking too long; a voice in her head was urging her to hurry up. She still had much to do.

Kitty's eyes filled with terrified tears. She desperately begged, "Rogue, look at me…" When she did, blinking owlishly as if not seeing her properly, she fervently continued, "Please, don't listen to the voices! You're too strong for that, you can't believe their lies. You're my best friend – somewhere inside you have to know that's real!"

"Sure it is," she drawled sarcastically, moving even closer. "'Cause what's more real – a sick girl in an institution, or some kind of _mutant_… that sucks the life out of everybody she touches… and fights with a group of kids to save the world?" Pausing, she cocked her head to the side and smirked a little. "That's ridiculous!"

"No…" Kitty sobbed in defeat, shaking her head – but she froze when Rogue's icy, newly-focused gaze locked back onto her. Screeching, she spun and dashed through the wall, not abandoning her attempts at a getaway.

Rogue sighed heavily. Using her stolen telepathy, she tracked the girl as she phased from bedroom to bedroom, only to be confronted with evidence of what would soon be her own fate. First she came across Scott unconscious in his bed, followed by the New Recruits; after seeing them, she didn't bother heading for the other rooms. Rogue could sense that Kitty had finally come to the sinking realization that she was the last one left, yet she didn't give up. Stumbling out into the hallway, the young girl frantically tried to think of a possible escape.

She didn't get far.

The next instant Rogue teleported once again, landing in front of her with a bare hand outstretched. Shadowcat phased reflexively once more, this time melting through the carpet to the level below – but her move had been anticipated. Her landing on the ground floor was met with another cloud of sulphur, and before Kitty could so much as whirl around and react, there was a cold hand slapped onto the back of her neck.

Rogue grimaced as the absorption began, trying to block out the girl's wails, and then gently laid the unconscious form of her friend onto the floor. As she stared down at her, she felt a twinge of what almost felt like regret…

"_It's okay, Anna," Dr. Essex reassures her, although his manner is brisk and clinical instead of soothing. He is standing above her as she lies restrained on her bed, and she can see him nod approvingly as he jots notes down on his clipboard. "Don't stress yourself."_

"_You're doing great, honey," her mother encourages, reaching out to gently cup her cheek. She relishes in the contact. "Take your time, okay? You're doing it, I'm so proud of you!"_

"_Make it as easy on yourself as possible," the doctor adds. "There's nothing wrong with that. Just find a way to end it all."_

_She whimpers. Easy? How can he think it will be easy to purge herself of family and friends that have been more real to her over the past few years than the people surrounding her now? It is anything but easy, despite finally acknowledging they are nothing but illusions. _

_Illusions or not, they still evoke thoughts, feelings, and memories... They still __**feel**__ real, even though logically, she knows they are not._

"_Ah'm tryin'," she murmurs, straining against the bonds that hold her down. "It's hard…"_

"_You can do it, sweetie," Raven insists, leaning down to place a kiss on her temple. "You can find a way, I know you can! Just keep going."_

Opening her eyes once more, Rogue took a steadying breath. Her mother was right; she could do this! She _had_ to keep going. Her part was almost over – then he could take over and finish things for her…

But first, she had more mutants to find.

- **To Be Continued…** -

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Hmm, what else is Rogue intending to do? Who else will be involved in her delusional scheme? 

**Next chapter** – the final stage of Rogue's plan to put an end to her world is set into motion…

Roses are red, yellow for daisies, please leave a review or I might go crazy! ;)

Toodles,

– ish –


	6. Therapy

**Disclaimer**: Anything you recognize, think you recognize, or thought that you might have recognized but now you're not so sure, etc., probably doesn't belong to me. Does that cover all the bases? ;)

**A/N**: This has been a rather difficult week. I finished reading Deathly Hallows, and ever since I've been mired in a deep depression. I won't spoil it for anybody in case you haven't read it yet, but the _ONLY_ two characters I wanted a happy ending for were instead cruelly axed. I'm utterly and completely crushed, gutted, devastated, and so on. God, I'm _such_ a fangirl… However, this might be good news for all you readers, since this fic has proven to be a fairly effective distraction! So here you have it, the penultimate chapter…

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**SOLIPSISM**

**Chapter 6 – Therapy**

It was freezing in the mountains, with an unrelenting wind howling past and sharp snowflakes scratching at her cheeks. Rogue almost felt she should have been colder than she was, but when she looked down at herself she discovered she was wrapped up in a bulky sweater and coat. When had that happened? Was it something else her mind had created?

Then again, it hardly mattered; it wasn't like she would truly feel the elements anyway. Banishing such insignificant (and baffling) thoughts from her head, the girl continued to follow her two companions.

Their long trek finally came to an end in front of a jagged opening in a cliff face. The fissure almost went unnoticed at the bottom of a towering wall of stone; it would have been nearly impossible to find without prior knowledge. Mesmero gazed inside almost reverently, while Mystique remained her usual impassive self next to him. Rogue stopped behind them, taking in the dark, gaping maw cautiously. The last few hours had been a blur, with other people's emotions and memories and feelings and thoughts all blending into one huge mess inside of her, but now one thing finally stood out and apart from all of that...

Fear.

Something was crawling and scrambling inside of her, warning her, _begging_ her not to proceed…

"_Anna?"_

She glanced over at Mystique, but the woman hadn't moved. When she heard her real name called once more, her eyes began to loose focus and suddenly _she is back in the institution, curling up and trying to hide herself in the corner._

"_It's going to be okay, sweetheart," Raven coos soothingly from her crouched position beside the young girl. "I know it's hard, but it's not real, remember? Whatever you want to happen can happen – it's all up to you, all you have to do is believe it. Just keep concentrating… You can do it, I know it."_

_A strange sense of awe grows inside of her as she hears her mother's voice. Not only is it full of a love she can never remember hearing before, it is also so __**certain**_ _and so __**sure**_._ She really and truly believes she will be able to accomplish this…_

"_I'll be right here beside you," she continues with her encouragements. "Focus, okay? You're so close, you're almost there!"_

When she opened her eyes once more, the other two mutants were on the move. Brushing aside whatever worries had given her pause as easily as if she were brushing the fallen snow off her jacket, she followed them inside the cave. She didn't so much as flinch when a gigantic stone rolled over to block the opening behind them, or when rows of torches abruptly burst alive with flames to light up the pitch blackness; she merely walked between the tall stone columns until an ornately carved stone door loomed before them.

Mystique finally spoke to her, coolly asking, "Are you ready, Rogue?"

"_Ah… Ah don't know. Ah'm afraid…"_

"_Please, sweetie, keep going… I know it's scary, but it's almost over."_

She was right – it was almost over. "Ah'm ready," she answered firmly, and nodded towards Mesmero.

The man dropped his hood and raised his hands towards the door. "My Lord Apocalypse, you shall rise again!" came his melodramatic cry, which echoed over and over again as it bounced off the walls of the cavern. "I have brought you the shapeshifter and the absorber – the final keys are here!"

"What?" Mystique cried, spinning towards him in a fury. "I thought you only needed Rogue!"

"Both of you are needed," he now informed her, shifting nervously under her piercing glare. "First you must –"

"Shut up, you circus freak!" the woman snapped, grabbing his robes in her fists and yanking him towards her. "I only agreed to bring Rogue here because you assured me our futures would be secure – were you lying then too?"

"Apocalypse will not forget those who are loyal," the mindbender declared, raising his chin stubbornly. "Now, will you serve him or not?"

She looked over towards Rogue and paused, and the girl startled as she realized a decision had to be made.

"_But this means Ah'll have to get rid o' yah too…"_

"_I know, honey, and it's okay. Do it – what happens to me there doesn't matter, it's __**here**__ where I'm real! I'm right here waiting for you."_

It wasn't as hard as she would have thought – it was no trouble for her to separate the two Ravens. One was full of warmth and support; the other was full of betrayal and deviousness. One loved her; the other didn't know what love was. One was her mother; the other was anything but.

One was real, the other... Was nothing more than the failed imagining of a troubled mind

With that understanding at the forefront of her mind, Rogue knew what had to be done next – and so it began to occur.

The assassin was skilled in hiding her emotions, and what could have been a hundred different ones flitted over her face for the instant before she finally turned back towards Mesmero. The girl merely watched as Mystique followed his instructions; she turned into a cobra and slithered through a small crevice at the bottom of the door, unaware of what would happen to her on the other side.

Rogue, however, knew exactly what fate she would meet.

A strangled scream was just barely heard through the thick rock.

Then there was silence.

Another mutant down, another trap in her mind disarmed … And when the floor shook and the carved door began to swing open, she smiled to herself. There was only one more task to complete, and then she could rest.

Squaring her shoulders, Rogue proceeded toward the chamber with Mesmero following closely behind her. "That was the first step," he murmured in approval. "Now all you have to do is end it all."

She nodded. His words somehow sounded familiar… They sounded _right_. She moved on, starting the descent down a stone stairway, when suddenly the telepath shouted in surprise. They turned, and behind them the entrance to the cave was ablaze with pink light. The next second it had exploded, and three men stormed in amidst the rubble.

Rogue frowned as she watched Wolverine, Gambit and Sabretooth rush through the cloud of settling dust. Why where they there? This wasn't supposed to happen, was it? This wasn't what she wanted, this wasn't making things any easier…

"Get away from her!" Logan snarled, unsheathing his claws and advancing threateningly towards Mesmero.

"I'm afraid that won't be happening!" the robed mutant cackled. "You can't stop destiny!"

"The only thing that's destined around here is the ass-kickin' you're gonna get, bub!" he growled back, before shouting to Rogue, "Come on, Stripes, fight him! You're too strong to let a clown like this use ya!"

She shot a lackadaisical smirk in his direction before dully informing him, "Yah're wrong – _Ah'm_ the one usin' _him_. Once Ah release Apocalypse he can get rid of y'all, once an' for all… He can destroy this entire world for me, an' then Ah'll be free!"

"That's right, Rogue," Mesmero nodded indulgently at her, before gesturing behind them. "Now, go! Finish it!"

"Enough talk!" Sabretooth sneered impatiently. "Let's finish _you_!" And then he charged, trailed closely by his two temporary team mates.

Rogue didn't bother stopping to watch them fight. There was no point, because there was only one way it would turn out – and she had to go bring that end about. She had somehow created this world, with all its messes and pain and heartache, so it seemed fitting that she would be the one to doom it.

Passing by a petrified Mystique, the girl didn't even spare the statue a glance; that wasn't the mother she wanted. Her eyes were instead fixed on the glowing sarcophagus at the bottom of the stairs. With each step the pounding of her heart in her ears seemed louder and louder, perfectly in sync with the brightening light of the tomb, so much so that she almost couldn't tell the pulsations apart.

It was calling to her…

She stopped in front of it, pausing for a moment to simply breathe in the power that crackled in the air. She could feel it surrounding her, coursing through her… There was an instinct, a _yearning_ deep inside of her, telling her to reach out and touch it. Sliding off a glove, Rogue extended her bare fingers towards the tomb –

– but something swiftly sliced through the air, and her hand was knocked away. Gasping, she whipped around and found Gambit standing behind her, with his bo staff in his grasp and an insufferable smirk gracing his face.

"Now, now, _chère_," he chastised her. "Don't t'ink y' want t' be doin' dat!"

"Oh, Ah think Ah _do_," she insisted with a scowl. Rather than having the desired effect of warning him off, he only appeared amused.

"Hey now, why so hostile?" the young man pouted, before a shit-eating grin slid took up residence on his lips. "Don't y' want t' greet me with another kiss?"

Rogue narrowed her eyes, knowing he would bring that up. At any other time, she might have been embarrassed; now, she was just impatient. All he was doing was holding her up and delaying the inevitable… "Don't flatter yourself," she snapped. "It was the easiest way to knock yah out. Now, would you get out of my way!"

"An' why would I want t' do dat?"

She stared at him, tilting her chin up defiantly. "So Ah can end it."

"End what?" he questioned curiously, stepping closer.

"All of this…" she gestured, waving her hands in a vague motion meant to encompass more than just the cave around them. "It ain't real!"

"_That's right, Anna, it's not. Come back to the real world."_

Her mother's voice faded out as abruptly as it had started, and she tuned back in to see the Cajun shrug and nonchalantly note, "Dunno, seems pretty real t' me."

"No, it's not!" Rogue burst out, pointing an accusing finger in Gambit's direction as if he were the source of it all. "It's a lie, it's nothing but lies, an' Ah'm sick of 'em!"

"_Yes, sweetie, don't let them lie to you anymore…"_

"Ah ain't gonna listen to yah, yah're just tryin' to trick me!" she whimpered, clutching her hands to the side of her head and tangling her fingers in her hair. She was being pulled in two directions, and she'd had enough of it…

Before Remy could react, Rogue spun around and slapped a hand onto the cold surface of the stone sarcophagus. He cursed, leaping forward to grasp her arm and wrench her away, but he found it impossible. Her hand would not budge from the stone, no matter how hard he tried.

She merely stood there, watching in detached fascination as the glow from the tomb gradually faded. Then suddenly it flared brightly, engulfing the room with a blinding green light accompanied by a blast of energy that blew Rogue and Gambit backwards, leaving stars dancing behind their eyes. It all dimmed a few moments later, and once they readjusted to the gloom of the cave once more, they could see the lid of the sarcophagus slowly inching open.

There he laid, the answer to all of her problems…

Rogue smiled.

Remy swore. "_Merde_, _chère_ … We need t' get out of here, _now_!"

He grabbed her arm once more, but she tore away from his grasp. "No, Ah've gotta finish this! Yah can't convince me to stop this, Ah've had enough of your tricks!"

"Easy, _chère_…" he purred placatingly, holding up his hands as a non-threatening sign. "I'm not tryin' t' trick y', honest. But just t'ink about what you're doin', henh?"

"Ah know perfectly well what Ah'm doin'!" Rogue snapped, curling her hands into fists. She didn't have time for this!

"See, I don't t'ink y' do…"

"Don't patronize me!"

"I'm not," the Acolyte persisted earnestly. "Y've had enough of de lies, so I'm tellin' y' de truth, Rogue – an' de truth is dat I don't t'ink y' really want t' do dis. I t'ink you're scared, an' confused, an' dat Mesmero's been messin' wit' your head – but you're stronger den dat, _chère_, I know it. Y' can put a stop t' all dis, right now."

"_Yes, Anna, you __**are **__strong! You can stop this all…Go on, end it."_

"No, no, Ah can't… Ah won't!" she cried, shaking her head furiously, and for a split second she wasn't sure whom she was replying to.

"Y' _can_!" Gambit shouted. He strode forward and took a firm hold of her shoulders, and practically shook her as he tried to get his words to sink in. "De Rogue I know wouldn't let anybody pull her strings like dis!"

"That's why Ah have to do this!" Rogue shrieked, a few stray tears starting to stream down her face despite her best efforts to keep them in check. "Ah've had enough of people pushin' me around! They use me, they hurt me… Ah can't take it anymore! Ah just want it to be over… An' it can be – Ah'm gonna stop this world from ever hurtin' me again."

Remy stole a quick glance behind her, checking the status of the sarcophagus. It was still sliding open, and now it was almost halfway down. Paling slightly, he then stared directly into Rogue's eyes, long and hard, before finally declaring, "Never had y' pegged for a coward."

Her brow furrowed at the unexpected remark. "Excuse me?"

"Dis is de coward's way out. T'ings don't go your way, so y' decide t' just give up? Didn't t'ink y' were dat weak," he told her scornfully.

"Shut up! Ah ain't weak!" she shot back. "Do yah know how much Ah'm riskin' by doin' this?"

"_I know it's hard, Anna, but you're almost there…"_

"I know all about risks, _chère_ – I'm a gamblin' man," Remy smirked, but it quickly slid away as he shook his head. "But dis risk, it's too big t' take. As crappy as dis world has been t' y', are y' ready t' throw away all de good parts? What about your friends an' family? Dey trekked halfway across de world for y'! What about de Wolverine upstairs, fightin' for y'? Dey all care, dey care so much dat dey were willin' t' risk their lives for y'! Can't y' say de same?"

"But... but they're not _real_!" Rogue maintained adamantly. "None o' this is!"

"Seems pretty real t' me... Feels pretty real t' me too," he said lightly, as he gently trailed his hands down from their hold on her arms until they reached her wrists. "So I guess de real question is... What feels _more_ real t' y', _chère_? Is it dis world, or is it whatever Tattoo-Face has been puttin' in your head?"

She opened her mouth to retort, but he quickly cut her off. "De other one must be a pretty picture t' tempt y' like dis… But in de end, dat's all it is. Y' got any guarantee dat y' won't be hurt in dat world too?"

"No, but –"

"But nothin', Rogue. Dis one's got its flaws, I'll admit, but dere are people here dat genuinely care for y'. In de end, dat's all we can ask for," Remy told her in a voice that was firm, but much gentler than she would ever would have thought possible. "Is dat enough for y'?"

He was becoming harder and harder to understand. Her head was beginning to pound – it was so hard to focus! His words, coupled with the softness of his gloved hands holding hers, were making her increasingly confused. "Ah… Ah…"

"_What is it, sweetie?" her mother asks, clasping their hands together._

"_Keep going, Anna," Essex prods. "This is the final key to your illness!"_

A loud howl brought her back to stone chamber. Mesmero had been thrown down the stairs by Wolverine, who was now stomping after him with his claws extended. The telepath moaned in pain, but managed to turn to Rogue and shout, "What are you waiting for? Finish your task, you're the final key!"

"I'll finish _you_, bub," Wolverine growled, as he leapt down the last few steps. The cowering man tried to scramble away, but before he could get far a barrage of powerful kicks from Logan met him in the ribs and then the jaw, knocking him out.

As he fell unconscious to the floor, Rogue's head exploded in pain. Shrieking at the onslaught, she stumbled backwards, falling against the sarcophagus.

"Rogue?" Gambit cried, rushing over to her. "What is it? What's –"

"– _wrong?" Raven frantically questions, trying to wrap her arms around her quaking daughter._

"_It appears she is resisting," the doctor frowns. "Keep talking, your voice seems to get through to her."_

"_Sweetie? Anna Marie, please, look at me."_

"_Ah don't know… Ah don't know if Ah can do this," she babbles desperately. It is hard, it hurts so much more than she had thought it would. "Ah don't know…"_

"_I believe in you," her mother asserts calmly, so surely that she stops her whispered ranting and looks up at her. "You're a survivor, you can do this. Keep fighting – you're too strong to give in!"_

"_No…" she whimpers._

"_I know you're afraid. I know your world has been a hard and scary place, but remember that you've got people who love you!" she states passionately, her cool composure cracking as tears spring to her eyes. "I know I haven't always been there for you in the past… And I'm so sorry for that, but I'm here now and I have all the faith in the world in you. I know you're strong enough to get through this, Anna!"_

_She calms as those words slowly sink in. She doesn't know how long she turns them over in her mind... But then in an instant everything seems to make sense._

Her head had cleared somewhat, and the pain had lessened. With a groan, Rogue steadied herself against the tomb, and then took a tentative step away. Gambit stood in front of her, ready to catch her in case she fell, but she managed to remain on her feet. Coming out of her daze, she looked over at the Cajun, and behind him Sabretooth and Wolverine, as if seeing them for the first time.

"You okay, kid?" Logan asked gruffly. His words were nonchalant, but Rogue could see the worry in his eyes, and for that she was indescribably grateful.

"Ah… Ah think so," she nodded tentatively. But she couldn't elaborate, because suddenly, there was pain.

In the blink of an eye, a wrinkled, bare hand had shot out of the sarcophagus and snatched her own, and she couldn't breathe. Were Wolverine and Gambit shouting something? They seemed to be far off in the distance somewhere... She couldn't hear them – all she could hear was the rush of a thousand voices screaming past her ears, swirling around her in a horrifying maelstrom.

Her skin had started to crawl, and then burn excruciatingly. It was as if she was being sucked from her body, as if her soul was being ripped from each and every pore...

Was this the hell people felt when she absorbed them?

That was her last coherent thought before her world was enveloped in darkness.

- **To Be Continued…** -

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Dun dun duhh! 

**Next chapter** – the dramatic conclusion! So dramatic that I don't wanna give you any clues as to what might happen…

So, who here's dying to know how this is all going to end? Well, if you are, please leave me a review and let me know! Guesses and theories are always fun, but begging and pleading and bribes are appreciated as well. ;)

Toodles,

– ish –


	7. Cure

**Disclaimer**: At this point, I think you can all fill in your own disclaimers here, right?

**A/N**: I can't believe it's the last chapter already! Mainly because I'm amazed that I managed to wrap up a fic in merely 7 chapters – I tend to be a bit long-winded sometimes… ;)

But here we are, at the end of the road. So let's not delay any longer, eh? I hope you'll like this dramatic ending as much as I do… So scroll on, dear readers, scroll on!

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**SOLIPSISM**

**Chapter 7 – Cure**

_She wakes up slowly, tentatively, almost afraid of what she will see when she opens her eyes. She tries to prolong it as long as possible, but the muted whispers around her peak her curiosity; they lure her in, and reel her back to awareness._

"_Did it work? Is she all right?" are the first words she can comprehend._

_They are followed by an irritated tone. "I can hardly give you answers just yet – I am not a mind-reader! We will have to wait and see how lucid she is once she has awoken."_

_She recognizes those voices, and realizes where she is._

_She opens her eyes._

_Her mother is sitting at her bedside, while Dr. Essex holds a clipboard, frantically observing and jotting down notes behind her. They both freeze and look at her in utter astonishment._

"_Anna?" comes a gasp from Raven, and the expression on her face is achingly hopeful. "Sweetie, is that really you?"_

_They both seem to hold their breath as she slowly sits up and appears to contemplate the question. The answer comes to her with surprising clarity, and she cautiously nods. "Yeah… Ah… Ah think Ah'm me again."_

_Dr. Essex straightens with pride, but his feelings of accomplishment hardly matter to her. She is focused on the tears in her mother's eyes as she flings her arms around her, pulling her close. "Oh Anna, my little Anna-Marie, I **knew** you could do it…"_

_She clings back with all her might, burrowing her face into the crook of her neck. She relishes in the contact, in the closeness. It has been much too long since she has felt this way, too long since she has felt so safe and loved. "It was because of yah," she whispers gratefully. "It was because of what yah said to me that Ah knew what Ah had to do."_

"_No, sweetie – it was all your doing. You have a world of strength in your heart. I knew it was there all along – you just had to find it again, and believe in yourself," she insists as she strokes her hair. Raven can't seem to stop touching her daughter, as if reassuring herself that it is all real._

_She can understand that, and she can't bring herself to mind. She tries to brand that warm caress, that tender love, into her memory as best she can._

_She just hopes that the memory alone will be enough for her._

_She starts to tear up, but as she pulls away slightly, she is nevertheless determined. Looking her mother in the eye, she smiles sadly and says, "Yah were right – Ah just needed to believe in myself again, and yah helped me realize that. Thank you…"_

_Raven smiles back, but quickly shifts to a frown when she concludes tearfully, "…Goodbye, Momma."_

_First there is surprise and confusion – but then a horrified comprehension slides over her face. She cannot stand to see that pain, so she turns her head away._

"_Anna? Anna!" she hears her mother cry in desperation, already sounding as if far off in the distance. "Doctor, help! What is she doing?"_

_He rushes over to grab her arm, and shakes her; she barely registers it. "Anna! Stop this at once! What are you doing? You don't want to go back there!"_

_She thinks about answering him, but it is too late. The decision has been made, and she can only hope it is the right one… Her gaze focuses on something the others cannot see, and they begin to fade away._

"_Anna? No, no, please! Anna!"_

"Rogue?"

She woke with a start and winced as the harsh fluorescent lighting assaulted her eyes. For a moment she was utterly disoriented, unsure of where she found herself. "Where... Where am Ah?" she managed to rasp while blinking rapidly, trying to help her eyesight adjust to the bright light.

"You're back home, Rogue," she heard the Professor declare, relief evident in his voice.

Finally able to open her eyes fully, Rogue looked about. The first thing she noticed was the colour, all around her. Only after that did she realize she was in the med lab again, tucked snugly into a bed. Professor Xavier, Kitty, and Kurt surrounded her bedside, eyeing her worriedly. She looked up at them questioningly, wondering why they seemed so concerned – she felt just fine. Better than fine, actually; she couldn't remember feeling so rested in quite a long while.

She attempted to sit up, but oddly enough, her limbs couldn't respond. Looking over, she noticed that there were restraints around her wrists, which Dr. McCoy was quickly untying. She stared at them in confusion for a moment...

But then it all came rushing back to her.

She gasped as she was harshly bombarded with the memories of her actions. The hallucinations… The absorptions… The tomb…

What had she done?

Her body quaking and practically hyperventilating, Rogue jerked away from their gazes ashamedly. How could they even stand to be in the same room as her?

"Ah'm so sorry," she whispered brokenly through her sobs, burying her face in her hands. They were gloved, she noted idly; she needed gloves in this place, and they must have put them on her because they were afraid of what she might have done. Somehow those small scraps of material made everything worse. "Oh Gawd… Ah'm so sorry!"

"Rogue, it totally wasn't your fault!" Kitty protested at once, resting a comforting hand on the girl's shoulder. "You didn't know what you were doing!"

"Kitty is absolutely correct," Xavier added earnestly, leaning towards his young charge from his wheelchair. "Mesmero was the one controlling you, using you to free Apocalypse – you cannot blame yourself when it was he who made you carry out your deeds."

She wanted so badly to believe that, she really did… But surely she could have tried harder to resist, surely she could have been stronger! She could have done _more_, instead of giving up on this life so easily, instead of being so wholly seduced by the lures of that other world… She shook her head, opening her mouth to protest.

The telepath cut her off. "No, Rogue, we will hear no more apologies," he stated firmly, raising a hand into the air to pre-empt her words. "If anything, it is I who should be apologizing… It was I who failed to detect Mesmero in your mind, and I who failed to prevent him from manipulating you _– _and for that I am truly sorry. I know it is hardly a consolation, but his hold over you was disrupted during the fight in Tibet; now that you have awoken, the hallucinations should bother you no more."

"Well, that's one piece of good news," the Southerner sighed wryly as she wiped away some tears. She didn't ever want to go back there. It was too much temptation… "But –"

"No buts, Rogue!" Kitty cried, placing her hands on her hips in a gesture that brooked no argument. "The Professor is totally right! This isn't your fault. _We _don't blame you, so you shouldn't either."

Rogue had to pause and stare in bewilderment. Was she hearing them correctly? Absolution coming from the people who had seemed to blame her for her powers going haywire the first time?

As if reading her mind, her roommate frowned and stared down at the floor as she sighed, "I know we, like, didn't really stand by you before… And we feel horrible about it. We hope you can forgive us. We were scared, I guess… But it was wrong of us, and this whole Mesmero thing made us realize that. The thought of something happening to you was what _really_ scared us!"

"_Ja_, Keety's right," Kurt suddenly piped up. Until that point he had been uncharacteristically silent, and Rogue had thought Shadowcat had pressured him down there. She wouldn't have blamed him for not wanting to see her, since their last conversation hadn't ended on the best terms…

…But when he took her gloved hand in his three-fingered one and squeezed it reassuringly, she saw the warmth in his eyes and knew all was forgiven.

"Ve don't blame you, Rogue. Ve're just sorry you had to cope vith it all alone. Ve're not going to let zat happen again," he declared, with a seriousness that was rarely seen from the blue prankster. However, he ended off with a goofy grin and added, "Ve'll be here beside you, vether you like it or not! Ve are a family!"

"I couldn't have said it better myself," Xavier commended, hiding a wide smile behind his steepled fingers, and even Hank chimed in with a, "Very eloquently stated, Mr. Wagner!" from where he had been observing quietly, attempting not to intrude.

Such warmth, such acceptance from them – after what she had done? It was all too much… Glancing dazedly between them all, Rogue found tears coming to her eyes once more – although now for an altogether different reason. "Ah- Ah don't what to say…" she stuttered through the shaky grin that had erupted across her face.

"You don't have to say anything," Kitty scolded genially, before clasping a hand over Rogue's and Kurt's. "I know things seem crazy right now, but everything will turn out just fine. You're going to –"

"– _be okay? Please, Doctor, isn't there anything you can do?"_

_Essex ignores the panicked pleas as he leans down to flash his penlight on and off into Anna's eyes. _

_There is no response. The girl merely sits there, completely catatonic._

_He grimaces, turning slowly to address Raven Darkholme over his shoulder. "I'm sorry, but there is no reaction at all…"_

_The woman's jaw drops, but her shock is soon replaced with firm, desperate disbelief. "No, no, I refuse to accept that!" she screeches, grabbing his lab coat in a vice-like grip. "There **has** to be something you can do, something you haven't tried yet!"_

_There is nothing he hates more than having to admit his own failure, but here it is – and it is staring him vacantly in the face through green, unseeing eyes. He can do no more, and he shakes his head in resignation. _

"_I'm afraid we've lost her."_

- **Fin** -

**solipsism** (sol-ip-siz-uhm) – _noun_: the belief that all reality is just one's own imagining of reality, and that one's self is the only thing that exists.

* * *

Oh, snap! 

Well, that's it, my friends… What say you? Did you enjoy this strange trip through Rogue's troubled mind? Were your guesses and theories right, or completely off-base? Which world do you think was the real one? Please, let me know!

And before we finish up here, just a final thank you to everybody who made it through to the end here. I truly appreciate you taking the time to read my fic, and I'd also appreciate hearing what you all thought of it. Reviews like to be given, after all! Would you be so cruel as to deny them their one purpose in life? ;) So please, before you go, take the time to leave me a few words, and then I can thank you all personally. Until next time...

Toodles,

– ish –


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